In the fall of 2012, I was in a pretty serious funk. Some things had happened at work that triggered a downward spiral, at the same time I was just coming to terms with my new reality as someone who was now a part of the breast cancer club. I was isolated, unhappy, unmoored and the situation was concerning enough, that I reached out to my rock star primary care physician for a recommendation for a therapist. Dr. Garrett’s recommendation of Rebecca was a game changer for me and Rebecca ended up having such a positive impact on my world. One of the most significant things that Rebecca did, was encourage me to create this blog and give me the support I needed to find my voice. She frequently read my posts and was one of my biggest cheerleaders–we would even use some of my posts as talking piece in my sessions!

My sessions with Rebecca ended when we moved back to Chicago in 2014, while my writing the past decade has ebbed and flowed for the most part with some years being more prolific than others. This little blog Searching for EMWA has helped me connect with breast cancer survivors and allies around the world, strengthened my voice as a writer, given me support through the amazing connections I’ve made, and helped me document my story. I’m most proud of 2020, however, when I was inspired by Beth Thompson on her blog QuiverVoice to do 52 posts in 52 weeks to coincide with my 52nd birthday. It was also probably one of the best years for me to do such a challenge, with COVID controlling so much of the world’s story. I think those 52 posts helped me cope with that first year of COVID in one of the healthiest ways possible. And I do love a challenge!

Unfortunately, my writing for publication has tapered off these past 3 years, to the point where I have only published 6 posts in the past 16 months and 4 of those were repurposing Mothers Day/Fathers Day posts for my parents this year and last. Life has been more of a challenge for me post-COVID lockdown, than during, and this should have been a time to lean into my writing for Searching for EMWA to help me process and document the struggle, gather support from the blogosphere, and practice doing something I love. Instead, I became increasingly more withdrawn from this blog, creating excuses and lacking a Rebecca to nudge me to write. In January 2023, I started therapy with a new person, who seemed to be helpful in her own way, but during our 14 months of working together, she never encouraged me to write or blog. When I broke up with her after our last session in late April (and a car accident which totaled my car a week later), one of my reasons was that if she didn’t get me enough to encourage me to write more, then she really wasn’t going to have any additional insight or understanding of me to help me on my journey.

The past 4 months have been some of the most challenging of my life. I’ve been journaling, networking with my family and friends, and generally coping. However, I haven’t been nudged to write. This morning, my dear ROW friend, Jeannine, posted a meme about creating and it sparked something, something that was strong enough for me to put this post together this evening, even though there were plenty of excuses not to write. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to stop coming up with excuses and just blog again. Maybe, it’s time to DO SOMETHING.

I couldn’t find Jeannine’s meme, but I did find this inspiration from my good friend John Lucas which I wanted to share. These words might give you some inspiration, as well.